A Single Mom's Crazy Rantings: Faith or Fate?

fate  (ft)

n.

1.

a. The supposed force, principle, or power that predetermines events.

b. The inevitable events predestined by this force.

2. A final result or consequence; an outcome.

3. Unfavorable destiny; doom.

 

faith  (fth)

n.

1. Confident belief in the truth, value, or trustworthiness of a person, idea, or thing.

2. Belief that does not rest on logical proof or material evidence. See Synonyms at belief or trust.

3. Loyalty to a person or thing; allegiance: keeping faith with one's supporters.

4. often Faith Christianity The theological virtue defined as secure belief in God and a trusting acceptance of God's will.

5. The body of dogma of a religion: the Muslim faith.

6. A set of principles or beliefs.

 

June 10th, 2013
Someone asked me today if Christ was in my life. Yes, Christ as in the Lord, God, Jesus...Christ. I have never been asked this question straight forward with someone expecting an honest answer. It was very refreshing to be asked a question bluntly like that as well.
I can be very blunt and honest when I talk with people. I usually keep it wound down to a minimum when I first meet someone. It's only when I am comfortable with you that I then feel comfortable with being myself. I'm not sure exactly where this comes from (my blunt, honesty) , I'm sure it has to do with so many years of not saying anything and keeping to myself. Or so many years as a different person than who I truly was. But so far everyone I know appreciates it, thinks its hilarious and doesn't have a problem with it. I'm not one of those rude blunt people but I'm the one that will make you spit out your milk with the crazy things that can come out of my mouth....sometimes at inappropriate times. Teehehehee!
I was taken off guard with this question though and answered honestly.
"I'm not sure I guess. There are things I would love to believe in but there are other things that I don't or have a hard time believing in."
Don't get me wrong...I have nothing against any religion or religious people I have just always believed in my own values.
But believing in my own values is where the catch is. The person whom asked me this question was surprised by my answer. Surprised that with everything I've gone through, the values I have, my positive outlook and the way I live my life day to day are very similar to someone who would believe in Christ. Since then I have turned this question over and over many times in my head. Do I really believe in God or a higher power?
I find myself looking back on situations. Every time I needed something it has always worked out. Anytime I needed money, needed help, a sign, a path, a choice and hoped and yearned for an answer, a solution (someone religious might say pray) it has worked out. Every time I've needed something, every time something gives and I've been "blessed".
I blindingly believe in Karma, this I think is very similar to "The Golden Rule". I completely believe and put faith into Karma. What goes around comes around. Do good and good will come to you. Do bad and well...Karma's a b**ch. But Karma is also just a thought, an ideal. It's not something I can hold, something I can physically hold accountable. God is also not someone I can physically meet, see of touch. So is there a difference??
There's also my morals, values and how I carry myself that I can now see why someone would think I was religious.
I believe in "everything happens for a reason" but couldn't that be what a Christian would say is God's pre destine path he has laid out for me??
I believe in "Karma" or Christians "Golden Rule"
My children are a true blessing to me, a miracle from Jesus is how a Christian would see it.
I live my life and unknowingly follow the seven deadly sins; PRIDE, ENVY, GLUTTONY, ANGER, SLOTH, GREED, LUST. Not because of the wrath from the lord but because it's the right thing to live by.
But is there a line in the sand separating the two ways I see it or are they really the same?
This I don't know.
This is what I can't wrap my head around.

Is there really a difference in fate and faith. I'm not so sure anymore.
The last thing that throws me with this battle is if there came a time, hopefully never, where my children were in harms way or ill. You could bet I would do anything, bow down, pray to anyone for their health and well being.
But even with that there is still a lot to consider. Is there really someone watching over us, someone who just one day "created" us...everything. So much to think of.

One thing that can be said, I've never had anyone make me think of something more beyond what I already knew or believed in. Not forced me to think that way but actually challenge the way I though. Had me mulling it over in my own mind. It takes a special kind of crazy to make ME reconsider things ;)

Always true to myself~
Bree

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A Single Mom's Crazy Ranting's: Never a bad day?

June 5th, 2013

I received this message today...

 

"I am shocked and in awe of you... Everytime I see you, you are smiling and cheerful.... I would have never guessed the things you have gone thru, or your challenges."

 

This was only part of the message I received. Along with this there have been a many other people that see me on a regular basis and ask me what my secret is to always smiling, always laughing and always being in a good mood. I didn't even realize until later that I really never...no I never have a bad day. The last bad day I had was almost a year ago.

 

July 30th, 2012

I stood in my best friends hall when I got a text message from my husband. He wanted to make sure we didn't have plans in a few weekends so he, alone, could go to a concert. Wait...what?!?!? And that's when everything shifted, fit into place and I knew. Instantly the phone was ringing and he picked up. The questioning started immediately. The only one that mattered was who else was going to this concert. Time after time I asked who, each time getting more desperate, each time loosing it more and more. Each time he lied. Over and over. I was with my husband for over 8 years, I now him...I knew him. I knew he would never go to a concert by himself. And I knew what was going on, I just needed to hear it.

The desperation might have finally broke him down or maybe it was the tears he could hear rolling down my face. But he finally broke and like a damn everything came spilling out. Every question I asked he answered instantly.

He was going to the concert with a friend from work. Female friend. Whom he'd also gone to the movies with. I start tallying how often he's gone to the movies by "himself", when he started going to the movies by himself. He goes on and on, answers all the rest of my questions. Then I get mad.

Katie shoes the kids outside, I am probably raising my voice now. I tell him to get what he needs and get the fuck out. I give him a time limit, "make sure your not home". The craziest thing that still boggles my mind was his desperate need to explain himself. "Calm down Bree, let me explain" I remember the power behind my voice when I replied, "DON'T tell me to calm down" I don't give a shit if she is the love of your life...look what you have done. The un-mendable damage you just caused. As a human being, as a man you leave first. That was the first and the last time I ever raised my voice to him.

I hang up the phone and sob into Katie's shoulder.

 

Today, June 18th, 2013

Maybe my mind is different than others. Maybe theres a part of my brain that doesn't function right or maybe I have some sort of awful tumor that makes me oblivious to the effects of the bad, negative things that life throws you. Either or anyway I am happy, truly and honestly happy ALL the time. Why? Here's how I see it...there are SO many people with SO many much more worse things, situations, than mine that in comparison my life, my complaints, my problems are nothing and worthless. How can I complain when things could always be SO much more worse.

I'll give 2 examples, 2 beautiful but heart breaking story's, both real and true.

 

First Story, June 2012

My sister in law went into the hospital, pregnant and sick. Hours later they were delivering her very young and very tiny beautiful preemie baby boy into a hospital not equipped to handle him. They had to call code blue on him and his little life was not so bright. They revived him and rushed him to Mary Bridge where he stayed for months and months with many more challenges to follow.

November 2012 (5 months later)

My nephew has now been home barely a month. My sister in law was admitted into the hospital. She had become very ill. No one knew what was happening.

Early January 2012

She is finally diagnosed with a terminal cancer, possibly treatable but incurable. And very rare. She is then admitted into UW Medical Center for treatment.

January 17th 2012 (weeks later)

Her husband was hit head on in a fetal accident. He survived but the other driver did not. The accident crushed his entire left leg among many other possible life threatening injuries. He was rushed to harbor view where he stayed for weeks, then to a rehab facility where he stayed for months. Both in different hospitals with a preemie baby boy and their other teenage son at home.

 

Second Story is more a short video to watch. I cry every time I watch it and I watch it whenever I need to be reminded of what gift my life really has been even with all my struggles. A few things before you watch it.

This is a young woman whom was forced to make a very strong and saddening choice, her mother the week before shaved her head in support. She has a daughter, a husband and has always wanted more children...but will never be able to.

 

These are just two stories that come to mind. There are plenty like them, some worse with not so happy or even tragic endings. So is your day now really as bad as you thought? Mine never are :)

 

Blissfully Happy with never a bad day~

Bree =D

 





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A Single Mom's Crazy Ranting's: The 1st Function

 Attention...Attention!!!

We now have a preschool graduate and upcoming

Kindergartner in the house!!!!

June 7th was a GREAT day!!! My oldest son Bradley sat amongst his class mates and graciously accepted his preschool diploma. Though this was a wonderful day there were also a lot of nerves in the air.
I had asked their father a few weeks prior if we could sit near each other for the benefit of the kids. Of coarse this is awkward for all but I wanted the least effect possible on the kids. How confusing for them to have to go from one end of the room/area to the other. And how unfair for the one parent left childless missing out on the joys of the evening.
My request was not taken..."well" and (with no emotion) I just asked him to think it over. To my surprise or maybe it was just coincidence we arrived and my one set of grandparents were already sitting next to the ex-in laws.
The graduation ceremony was short, sweet, and windy! Caps were flying everywhere and 5 year olds were laughing hysterically :)

Being our first event as a divorced couple (not sure how to phrase that) I would say it went exceptionally. There was one awkward moment for me while standing in the food line. The kids decided to go stand with their father, whom was ahead of me, leaving me standing alone. The funniest thing was I soon realized, while standing alone, that I wasn't even going to get food but was standing their to help dish the kids up. So I left him to dish up all 3 kids (no easy feat) while I went back to socialize with my family and friends. I never would have got the help before so I thought it was very poetic. LOL.

 

Soon all of the family left and it was sweetly just my kids and I enjoying their friends and  activities after the graduation picnic. This is where I learned another life lesson...Never again participate in a pie eating contest :)...unless its GOOD pie ;)

 

The best part of the evening was having friends come up to me and comment at how amazed they were at how composed and at ease I was while dealing with the ex's. Most of them don't know the exact situation but its funny how a lot of people don't need to KNOW to guess correctly. Though I try my hardest everyday it's these moments and kind words that I cling to and cherish the most.

 

My childhood wasn't by any means perfect nor was it awful in comparison to others it still prepared me for being a great single mother. I love my mom dearly and the craziest thing is through out her defeats, loses, and broken down times is where I have learned the most. Sometimes the best example is learned the hardest way. She will never know that with all her hard times, failures and mistakes the silver lining was in the lessons I learned from watching her.

I'm trying to be better than "good enough" :)

(Don't you love my middles winter gloves in this great family pic! LOL!)

 

 

You make life what you want, no one else is writing your story~

Bree <3

 

Click here to view the last installments of "A Single Moms Crazy Ranting's!!

Selfish 101

Memorial Day 2012

 



 

 

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A Single Moms Crazy Ranting's: Selfish 101

Selfish 101

Sept 8th, 2012:
     Ran my first "Mud Run" and had a blast! Christa and I didn't get as muddy as I wanted but we still had fun! On our way home they started talking about their plans later that night and I realized that yet again I would have no kids, no plans and be alone.
     Soon they invited my pathetic ass to dinner with their family, not awkward at all right?!?!?! LOL. To make it even worse dinner ended up being for Christa's brother in law...Chris. The same Chris her husband and her wanted to hook me up with a month before. We didn't speak much during dinner but later that night he ended up canceling his plans and coming over to Christa's house to hang out.

The next 9 months:
     Were amazing. Never would I think that any man would want to be with a woman who had 3 young children and treat them as his own. He has been the sweetest, nicest, most wonderful man. He bought Bradley baseball gear just cause and practiced with us over and over to help teach him the rules of the game. Stayed up late building Braeden's birthday present with the boys. Comforted my daughter when she would get hurt or tuck her sweetly into bed. On Mother's Day the kids and him cleaned my car, garage and house as a surprise. He's been supportive of any decision I've ever needed to make and there for me for whatever I've ever needed. He is so right for me and the kids in every way. That's why making the choice to leave him was the hardest thing I've had to do so far.

June 3rd, 2013:
     I fell in love with this man, more so than anyone before. I have never felt this type of love. But I found myself needing to be alone. Somewhere along the way I lost myself again. My life can be very overwhelming, busy and stressful. I manage it very well but it has become almost too much. This past week I realized somewhere along the way I stopped learning about myself, taking time for myself and starting pouring myself into everyone else instead of focusing on me. This was a bad habit I had from my failed marriage. During that time I did things, liked things and agreed to things that my ex husband had. After we split I didn't know what I liked to do, what I liked to eat or what I did for fun. I was just an empty shell.
     I slowly started to learn things that "I" liked. Started to become comfortable with the person "I" wanted to be. All the mattered was my children and I. No distractions. I was lonely but I was starting to become happy again. Happy with myself and happy with how my story had turned out so far. For a long while after Chris and I started dating I was still able to do this but somewhere, something in me fell back into step and yet again I lost myself.
     Losing myself scares me. And I realized that to be happy in any relationship I had to be happy and aware of who I was first and foremost. So regrettably I took a step back from Chris. Of coarse being the wonderful man he is he was supportive, encouraging and understanding. He was always the first to say I needed to take time for myself but I never realized how right he was. Though with him being understanding and supportive of my decision it made my choice so much worse. Am I possibly going to loose someone so great for me? And the kids? Makes me question and doubt everything. But I am at peace with my choice, no matter how hard it has been. Being alone, with no distractions will be good, I want to find myself and get to know who I am meant to be. Sometimes being selfish is a good thing.
I do miss you already Chris :( Thank you for all our wonderful memories and times shared with the kids and I. It takes a GOOD man to take on a woman with kids but also a GOOD man to let you go so you can take the journey your meant to take.
"Everything happens for a reason"....can be so hard to believe in at times.

Xoxo Chris
~Bree Pin It

A Single Mom's Crazy Rantings: How do you do it?

It has now been just over 6 months since I've been an "official" single mom to my 3 crazy-lovable kiddos. Day in and day out there are obstacles, challenges, rewards and difficulty.

 

The most popular question I get is "How do you do it?"

Sadly more often than not the person asking this question is asking for advice. I find that my advice is asked most frequently by a number of woman whom are wanting to leave their husband or significant other for one reason or another.

 

It's not my job, nor is it my business, to judge another's  marriage but I am more than happy to give my advice, help, understanding, acknowledgment or encouragement.

 

So "How do I do it?"

I don't.

 

What people see:

I was a stay at home mom until a month after I asked my husband to leave. I have a part time job and live on my own with the kids. Most of all they see that I'm happy :)

Most people see what they want to see. They look at me and see a single woman making it with her 3 kids even through divorce.

 

Here's the truth:

I desperately want to be a stay at home mom for my children so I work a part time job night and weekends. I do this so during the day I'm home with them doing our normal routines. Breakfast, chores, lunch, preschool, sports/activities, dinner, etc. Half the time I leave before dinner to go to work. This means someone else reads them a bed time story, tucks them in and sends them off to sleep. I usually work until 10:30pm, pick up kids and come home. I then stay up until midnight or 1 am working (for no or little money) on my photography or the blog. Even on days I don't work I'm still up until midnight "working".

Then its up at 7:30am and we start all over again. Since the blog and photography don't pull in huge pay checks (yet) I also frequently nanny a couple other kids here and thereto make ends meet. My house is usually messy because there isn't enough time to do anything and when given an opportunity to have a minute to myself I take it instead of doing dishes.

I didn't get much help before, but when your a single mom you get NO help. Each day its you and the kids, there's no more spouse giving you a break when he's home from work. Its only you. There are mandatory breaks every other weekend and possibly a few hours once a week. That's 4 days a month I get a break and even then I try to work as much as I can because there's no childcare costs.

 

For 3 kids I get just over $600 a month, my part time job brings an average of $400. These are the only consistent incomes I can count on. The kids and I get medical and food assistance from the state, which takes the food costs out of the equation. Rent and power average to about $600 a month. Which then leaves me with $400 a month to pay for diapers, wipes, gas, preschool, childcare, toiletries, non food groceries (garbage bags, dish/laundry soap, paper towels, etc), sports/activities, clothes for the kids if needed and other bills (phone, car ins, my medical expenses, debt, etc) Does $400 a month cover these items? NO.

I pick and choose what bills I can pay each month. Or I make smaller payments when I can't afford the full payment.

Some months I don't have enough for the basics. When this happens I have been very fortunate that I'll have a photo shoot, nanny and the extra money comes in somehow.

Living like this might have been fine when your single but not when you have 3 children to support.

 

Another factor that you have to keep in mind is the constant battling over the littlest things with your ex spouse. Childcare, support, expenses, family, cars, debt, kids, jealousy, diapers, etc. You name it and there could be an argument. I choose to disengage or not argue because I hate confrontation.SO I choose to take the higher road and don't lower myself to the argument. If its pertaining to the divorce case at hand then I let the attorney handle it. If its an argument relating to personal issues I don't give it the time of day. Though its hard to not argue back and forth this has been my biggest accomplishment thus far.

 

Then there is the fact of paying for an attorney for my divorce. I don't, I have been borrowing money from family (thankfully for them). Who knows how I'll ever pay that back. SO far the average total for the attorney has been close to $4,000.00 and the divorce isn't even final yet.

 

I have come to realize I can't go much longer than like this.

For over a month now I have been either looking for a second part time job or a full time job. The only difficulties with this are to be able to afford my portion of childcare for 3 kids I have to get a full time job that pays a minimum of $11/hour after taxes. And in this economy there really aren't many options available, and if a position opens up your trying to claw your resume through the competition. This will also means that my "dream job" of being a stay at home mom for my kids is soon over. I'll drop them off at day care so someone else can raise my children then pick them up with just enough time to feed them dinner and tuck them into bed. I'll be like most other working moms where you only get to see your kids a few hours a day. I'm not wanting pity, tons of people do it, but when you have made sacrifices in your life to stay home with your children it just makes it a hard situation to swallow.

 

With today's economy, money seems to be the most important thing in peoples lives. They seem to think that if you don't have money your not happy. This usually is reflected on a marriage. Sometimes this isn't the case and there are other reasons for divorce.

Unfortunately most couples think that divorce is the answer or that the grass would be greener on the other side. This is NOT always the case. And in today's society divorce seems just as disposable as taking out the trash.

While my life is happier now I tried everything first. I believe its your duty to try everything possible before walking away. I tried to make things work, went through marriage counseling but in the end infidelity was where I drew the line. You will not always be happy in a marriage but you made a vow and I feel that you should try everything to uphold those vows.

In the end trying everything may not work or may not be for you. But making the decision to get divorced or spilt up your family isn't something that just pops into your head one day. It's something that needs to be thought about, processed and talked about before any decisions are made.

 

My life is what it is. Its a struggle everyday. But I still seem to stay positive, have a great outlook on life and believe everything happens for a reason. We'll make it somehow and I can't worry about tomorrow when I'm living today. :)

 

SO, "how do I do it?"

I don't! But I'm trying.

 

{Looking for a job ~Bree and J}

 

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New Addition

{A Single Moms Crazy Ranting's}

 

We all know Bree talks...and talks a lot she can do! Usually her ramblings are filed under "Bree's Crazy Ranting's"...until now!

(so cheesy)

With a shocking amount of women asking me "how I do it?" I have decided to dedicate a new label or column you might say on my experiences as I go through life.

Have no clue what's going on, now that I'm not talking in 3rd person any more here is a brief run down...for fun lets go back to 3rd person! LOL!
 

2004 Bree meets Boy

2007 Boy and Bree buy a house

2007 Happily welcomes Baby Boy

2008 Wedding bells ring!

2010 Happily welcome another Baby Boy (screaming)

 

2011:

Boy and Bree Short Sell their home

Move into tiny 2 bedroom apartment

Welcome Precious Baby Girl

 

2012:
March 
Boy starts sleeping on couch

April
Packing to move into new, 3 bedroom!, HOME :)

May
Boy tells Bree "I don't love you anymore" :'(

June
Moved into new home :'( start marriage counseling

 

July 2012:

Boy takes off wedding ring

Celebrate Precious Baby Girls 1st Birthday

Bree takes off wedding ring

Bree finds out about Boy's new girlfriend

Bree kicks Boy out

 

Aug 2012-Current

Divorce papers, tears, kids and I move out, attorneys, tears, court, going back to work, child support, arguing, kids to Boys every other weekend, and too much bull#*$%!

Caught up??

Feel free to follow me as I go on about my daily struggles, accomplishments, battles and more!

 

I'm not trying to do this as a means at getting back or trash talking  Boy; and have always tried to stay above the battles and be respectful.

This is meant to help those women thinking of divorce/going through it/and have been there. These are my experiences and even though every one has their own turns and bumps in the road the process is still about the same!
At the end of the day if you'd rather not read this than don't. I will never again let anyone control how I act, what I say or what I do with my life...so this is very real, very honest and very raw.

Here are a few postings that will also catch you up:
Back to my routine...I guess...
"How are you doing?"
Mondays are for Complainers
You Smell Like Taco's Mommy
My Facebook is Not Your DRAMA
and CARRY on Bree

 

 {Much LOVE ~Bree and J}

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Guns and God in School

Friday morning the word began to spread about the unthinkable horror unfolding in Connecticut. A man walked into an elementary school where he murdered 20 children, ages 6 and 7, and 6 adults.

By the time afternoon arrived many parents had rushed to pull their kids out early from school. Simply to give them hugs and take their precious babies home.

Monday came around and most parents had a hard time sending their kids to school. Just the thought that this could happen anywhere, to anyone, at anytime has hit home. It is literally unbelievable that anyone could do such a thing to children, to babies. These were someones little angels, their joy in life and so young...its heart breaking.

Of coarse it makes you think..."What can be done?" "What could we do to keep our kids safe?" School is supposed to be one of the safest places for children to go, yet school shootings happen more and more each year.

I agree that there should be something done but I do not agree with the ideas people are tossing around.
Here are the most popular, radical options you can choose from.

Bring guns into schools

or

Bring God into schools

I'm sorry but neither of these are a solution. Not even close!

Guns~
I am or was (depending on if I need to renew) a member of the NRA. I also have a concealed weapons permit. I know how to correctly operate a firearm. I treat any firearm with the deepest, up most respect. I believe in the rights to own and bare arms.
But I think it's ludicrous to think sending guns INTO school is a good idea. Not only is it a horrible idea but its almost as if your asking for another school shooting to occur!
First, I do not know one single teacher, aid, or administrator that would carry a gun at school. Think of a teacher. (usually) they are sweet, warm, good tempered, kind and helpful. Its not in a teachers nature to bring a gun into their classroom. I am not speaking for all teachers, I'm sure there are plenty that would carry a firearm at school. I'm just saying that with as many teachers that would carry a gun there would be 3x as many that would not.
Oh yes, lets ask our underpaid teachers to now add in more training and classes outside of work, as well as more expenses out of their owns pockets. Because if you want to be realistic there would need to be lots of strings attached. Each gun toting adult would need to be properly trained, and keep up on their certifications. Most likely have to attend more specialized classes. File and pay for a concealed weapons permit. Purchase a handgun. And require regular shooting practice, taking more of there non-existent spare time, in which they would then need a membership at a gun club. The list could go on.
Second, bringing guns INTO our schools is almost asking for a school shooting. But now lets give the suspect and endless amount of weapons and ammo. Walk into a new classroom, get a new gun! Genius! Come on, this will now also give that troubled student or adult the means to get a gun if they didn't have means before.
I also truly believe you would see an increase in the rate of school shootings. Most, if not all are premeditated. Could you imagine that student or adult being at school, already on the edge...something or someone setting them off, heck there's already a gun in the classroom, Furious and mad, who knows what they'd do. Crime of passion. No time for any logic to sink in or for any warning signs to alert people.
Remember I am pro guns! But this "solution" is just asking for it it to happen. You walk into a classroom and you would know where to get it and who had it. You might as well just leave it on the desk.

God~
I will just come right out and say it. I am not religious. Do I have a problem with religion or what an individual chooses to believe in? No. To each his own. I have been educated and I very knowledgeable on Christianity in fact. But do I believe bringing God into schools will stop these horrible acts of violence? NO!
I actually believe bringing any religion into schools and teaching it would make the situation a whole lot worse.
Lets force something so touchy as religion onto our children and teens and watch them rebel more. In today's society people are more free to be true to themselves and believe in what they want. Religion is no longer required or scared into you. Most people I know who were forced into religion hate it now.
I do understand the point made by someone where they would say "if you look back in the day when religion was taught in schools there were no school shootings" I see your point, but that was a very long time ago. The same point could be made with abstinence and drugs, but its no longer realistic.
What is realistic is embracing change and individuality. For example, teaching abstinence is not realistic, you adapt and teach safe sex and give logical advice to protect our teens from things. But they will inevitably make their own choices and sometimes pregnancy and disease still happen.
I also understand that someone who believes in god will not understand why someone wouldn't. For anyone religious or non religious they believe that what they know and believe in is the truth and others are wrong. So how can we even make this argument when there would be so many others to consider. God is not the only thing people have the option to believe in. Christianity, Islam, Buddhism, Judaism, Spiritual, Hinduism, etc...so why we would automatically choose, especially in today's diverse world, that one specific or more swayed religion be brought into our schools.

I do have a lot of opinions but what are my answers? I'm not sure there is one clear answer. In some cases better parenting was the solution, in others putting a stop to bullying would have been the answer, mental health is a huge factor, the list could go on. In the specific shooting of Sandy Hook Elementary we may never know. But I do feel a huge effort needs to be focused on bullying in schools and getting more resources, help and aid to those whom have mental health issues.

Arguing about Guns and God are not helpful or even a solution. I understand many people want something done or want to use energy and resources into an answer but we all have to understand that there is no clear or right one. Be aware, educate yourself and your children and have a plan for any shooting scenario and love your family, friends and kids every chance you get!

Inform your kids to contact a teacher or administrator if they see bullying at school or may possibly need mental health help, tell them it's "ok to ask for help!" There are also plenty of resources online and in schools!
Resource to help stop bullying: Stopbullying.gov

Resource for mental health issues: Mentalhealth.net

A came across a blog post via Facebook that was really helpful in understanding mental health and the effects that it could very likely have on people unaffected by it. Please read and share, it's really a great article.
Thinking the Unthinkable 

Love your children everyday and always kiss them goodnight~
Tonight I will also be signing my name only, seeing as these are my personal feelings and views. Thank you all and have a good night, hopefully I didn't piss too many people off ;)~
Bree

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Favorite Posts: Bree's

You might want to read it before you read my explanation as to why this is my favorite. You might be surprised to know why it is my favorite...
Bree's Favorite Post: Back to my routine...I guess...

It may seem odd that the post that exposes all my broken pieces to my life is my favorite but it's not my favorite for any happy reason. Not because it was a good memory, true to me, enjoyable, or a favorite thing to do on the weekend.
It's my favorite because this was the first moment I unleashed the truth, no matter who wanted to believe it or not and no matter what consequences came my way. It was what I wanted to do and the decision to post it was all MINE.
It's different to tell your close friends and family your skeletons because if they're your true friends they will always understand.
This moment was the first moment of my true independence. Looking back there were alot of things not right, alot of controlling and unhappiness. In this moment of telling literally the entire world wide web of my heart break I felt I had cut the strings and was finally able to breathe fresh clean air.
I knew by posting that or posting anything would always come with strings attached, drama caused and gossip spread but none of it bothers me anymore...really hasn't from day one. It is very sad people, even at an elevated age, that people still talk that talk but Karma always comes around and the truth always comes out.
The day I posted that was the first day to my new beginnings. My fresh start. The first day to getting back to me and who I want to be and not what someone else wanted me to be. I learn everyday new things about myself and will never let anything get in my way to being who I really am. I'm not sure when the last time I was happy in my life...I always thought i was but would have never really admitted I wasn't.
Though my road has had many bumps, tears and stress along the road I am always reminded of my right choices. I will always and never change my outlook on life:
Everything happens for a reason and always find the positive in a situation.

Enough of Bree's Blah, blah, blah....lets get back to crafts, DIY and all sorts of fun things~
(don't worry...I will always share too much...stay tuned!)~
Bree and J Pin It

Oldie but Goodie...PHOTOS

WHOOOOOAAAAA........Bahahahahaaaa!!!!

Look what I found while packing...

Happy 1st Birthday Bree!!!

My mom thought it was a "genius" idea to blow out my hair...the brush it after it was dry.
YA...damn straight I can rock a fro!
*sigh* I still love you mom even though I HAVE NO clue what you were THINKING!!!

My mom and I!
Too bad Brooklyn was too big for that swim suit! LOL

I would LOVE to do a reenactment of this shot...20 year later! Find me some heart shades and we're ON!

"Whaahoooo...I'm SO AWESOME!"

And then they grow up...

Now to find some of Jess, BAHhahhaha~

Bree and J

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and CARRY ON Bree

This last week I have been trying my best to pack up the house to move. Saturday morning things started to hit me. Boxes lay half packed, unpacked, filled and marked all around me. I had a moment of sadness.
This house was nothing but a shell. Nothing but unfulfilled memories and hopes for a future here for my children...my family. The neighborhood where we could walk out our front door to go trick or treating and catch the bus. The beautiful mantel decorated with all our stockings, where my kids could imagine Santa dropping down the fireplace. Warm summer days spent outside in our backyard...
...All to never happen....
It's not necessarily the memories that wont be made as it is the moments I had dreamed and hoped for are no longer there. New ones I'm sure will fill there place as we move into our new "home" and settle into our new routine.
It is bitter/sweet to say the least. To look around and see what never was.

Bree's now on Instagram, find her and follow her "bmetzger4"

Happy Moving :(~
Bree and J Pin It

TOP Viewed Post EVER!!

Our very first "Monday's are for complainers" installment has been our top viewed post of ALL TIME and wont be surpassed any time soon!!! We've had SO many wonderful compliments on this that it makes me feel better when I b**ch ;) Glad to know your not alone, right?!?!?!?! LMAO!

Are you out of the loop??? Well check it out!

Top viewed post of ALL TIME:

Monday's are for Complainers

Who doesn't love when we complain ;)~
Bree and J Pin It

Bitter/Sweet....

.....should be the title of my book.
So many things can be summed up into one word or two depending on how you choose to spell it. ;)
Bittersweet....Bitter Sweet...I choose to add a / and settle for both ways.
Either way it has the same meaning. You can't have the sweet without the bitter. And the bitter comes first.
Any one, any situation, any person can relate to this.

Here are some bittersweet, bitter sweet, bitter/sweet quotes, saying and definitions for you to relate to....

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bit·ter·sweet  (btr-swt)

n.

1. A woody vine of the genus Celastrus, especially the North American species C. scandens and the eastern Asian species C. orbiculata, having small, round, yellow-orange fruits that open at maturity to expose red seeds. Also calledstaff tree.

2. See bittersweet nightshade.

3. A dark to deep reddish orange.

adj.

1. Bitter and sweet at the same time: bittersweet chocolate.

2. Producing or expressing a mixture of pain and pleasure: a movie with a bittersweet ending.

3. Dark to deep reddish-orange.

---

[After its roots, which are said to taste bitter, then sweet when chewed.]

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The term "bittersweet" is applied to situations that involve mixed emotions.

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Producing or expressing a mixture of pain & pleasure: 

pleasant but tinged with sadness

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If there is meant to be a sweet I can manage through the bitter~

Bree and J

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MY FB is not YOUR drama

Over the weekend we could say some "s**t hit the fan" LOL! I knew this day would come...where it would go from weird awkwardness to straight up ridiculousness.

In any sensitive, personal, hurtful situation what do you think people love to do more?
Comfort and console you? Well yes, the people who are kind and good hearted.
BUT what do people love to do MORE????
If you guessed cause drama, gossip and spread rumors yooooour RIGHT!

Since I don't feel like I keep my personal issues hidden in the closet and I consider my self very open and honest and have been this whole time I'll just lay out the truth of what the gossip is.

Yes, I have started dating someone.
Yes, some individuals that live near me may have seen this gentleman's truck at my house...that happens when you date someone.
Yes, my soon to be ex husband knows. I actually told him before anything became official, that there was someone of interest, as to discourage the drama/gossip spreading. I wanted him to hear it from ME and not over exaggerated from elsewhere.
Is he upset, yes. But it seems that some people are forgetting what "broke the camels back".
Is arguing about anything pertaining to my kids important, NO.
What you need to know...
Am I happy? Does this guy make me happy? YES :)

Here's the BIG question that could be up for debate:
"Don't you think it's a little TOO soon to start dating someone?"
Here is MY answer:
From the outsiders point of view maybe, it has been exactly 2 months to the day that I kicked my husband out for finding out he had a "female friend". It has been a little over 6 months from the day he came home and told me he "didn't love me anymore", during this time we were doing marriage counseling.  And it has been 9 months from the first day I kicked him out of the house for the night. Things had gotten so bad and there were times I asked him to stay elsewhere so the kids weren't affected by things going on at home. We both needed to be away from each other.
The day he came home and told me he "didn't love me" was the day everything changed. For weeks I was left to my own devises, as a single mother of 3 little children I was scared because the life I was forced to view was filled with uncertainty. How can I support these kids alone? But there came a point where I was left with no other choice than to think that way. Maybe I did "give up" as some say back then, but now I just see it as choosing a better life for my kids and I.
So is it too soon to date?
I look at it as I've been alone for awhile, I've been raising my children alone for awhile. I would say longer than 6 months but for some people we can just use that 6 month marker and the point in where my world changed.
Was I looking to date? NO. It just happened. I was introduced to him at a birthday party and things just naturally happened after that.

Here is what I believe to be true:
"EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON"
"WE DON'T MEET PEOPLE BY ACCIDENT, THEY ARE MEANT TO CROSS OUR PATHS FOR A REASON"

And at the end of the day. My choices are MY choices. I am a great mother and my kids come first ABOVE ALL! My happiness directly effects their happiness. And I can finally say that I am happy...I was happy before anyone else came into the picture. And that should be that all people need to know and should care about. If you truly care about me and the person I am my happiness should be enough for you.

On a side note I did feel the need to get a little out of my comfort zone and post something on my facebook page. I refrain from posting anything directly pertaining my personal issues regarding my marriage on my facebook page but somehow people can make ANYTHING out of NOTHING! And unfortunately I have nothing to hide. Some people that are close to me, near me and people whom I loved are the people causing more problems than necessary. I would kindly ask you to please stop, all I want for BOTH my children's father and I as well as my kids is happiness. I don't believe that can happen staying together anymore and I do wish and hope for him to find happiness.
Here is what was posted on my facebook page Saturday:

"I feel that throughout all my life lessons going on right now that I have been respectful  drama free and have not made direct, hurtful posts towards others in my life. It's very hurtful when I hear people near me and close to me that I love make my life into their drama and gossip. I DO have a few choice words for you but since I am a lady and a mom AND have better things to do with my time I won

t waste it on you. (the min it takes me to post this isn't even worth it)
Please let me know if I have not been respectful of other parties or made hurtful posts. Other than that MY life is not yours to spread and turn into your drama...maybe you should find something more productive to do with your life. :) Everyone have a GREAT day! :)
HUGS!
Thanks, Bree"

I would also like to say that anything I post on MY facebook page or MY (and Jessi's) blog is exactly that....MINE...if you have a problem with anything I post or write than don't read it :) Simple as that! Though I do love all our readers ;)

Have a wonderful day everyone~

Bree and J

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You smell like Taco's Mommy

I guess I never thought of this until a few days ago.
Or maybe it didn't really SINK in... especially in other peoples point of views.

I am a single mom.
I am a single mom of 3 little kids.
I was blind sided one day when my husband came home and told me he didn't love me and then again months later when I found out anther woman was involved.
I was pissed....PISSED is and understatement, disgusted, sad, depressed, hurt, broken, mad, mad, MAD, pitied, self conscious, sick, tearful, but most of all.....SCARED.
Instead of making the choice to accept what happen and let it shape my life into someone elses future, to let someone else know they could treat me like something disposable, unrespected, and a tool instead of your life long partner, you love, I choose to leave. Well actually I told him to leave.
Some may think making the choice to leave and not fight, for my family and kids, is a cowards way out or an easy way out. An easy way to walk away. I disagree.
I did fight and was fighting. Doing counseling every week for months. How hard do you think it is to do couples counselling alone...and the worst part was my husband WAS there.
You think its easy to ask your husband, partner and the father of your 3 children of almost 8 years to leave. Your soul source of income for your kids to divorce you? I'd say I was pretty damn sure when I told him to leave it was not going to be the easy choice for me.
I now have to move my kids and I out of our home I shared with my husband, I had to buy another car, and I've had to pay for all of my divorce proceedings with the little money I have. I do photography on the side for barely tips and since I was a stay at home mom for 5 years  have no income for work history t use for any type of loan or rental agreement.
I was forced to figure out how I can still be a stay at home mom and provide for us financially. Which lead me to start getting resourceful and find a part time job at Taco Time evenings and weekends. Something that at 27 wasn't in my "dreams of dreams" to do. But it's the only flexible, secure, friendly place to work that's also close to home. I also baby sit, co run the blog, do photography on the side, while also manage to cook, clean the house, raise my 3 kids, take them to sports and activities, school, workout, and get any sanity for myself while then throwing in my new part time job.
I'd say I'm NOT taking the easy way out.
Difficult right!?!?!? LOL But what makes things better is I have an amazing set of friends who help watch my kids for CHEAP! My small family being there when they can. And my kids whom at the end of a long day can always cheer me up and make me laugh. And I know when I read them a story, snuggle, hug and kiss them goodnight and tuck them int bed that all this was and is worth it, all this busting my ass is worth every second of every difficult time I go through. I may not be following my fairy tale anymore but I sure as hell will make sure they have an opportunity to still have one.

After my second day of work I came home and was greeted by my oldest son who wanted to stay up to say goodnight to me. But instead of goodnight it was "Mommy....you smell like Taco's"
Baaahahhahahahahahahahaaaaaa!
I couldn't stop laughing after that. Yes, hunny. Mommy does. Thank you little man for making it all worth it! I love you!!

Bree's RULES on MEN:
Before I ever got married I promised myself a few things.

1. I promised to refuse to ever let a man cheat on me and take him back. My life experiences from early childhood on this: If a man cheats on a woman AND she takes him back, he will forever know he can do that and she'll always forgive him. It sets a tone for the rest of the relationship. And they always do it again. All the times I've seen this happen, no matter how great you thought the guy was...my theory has always proved to be right.
I also refuse to be turned into THAT woman who never trusts her husband again, who looks through emails and phone records. Who stays up worry if he really is where he says he is. I am and will never be THAT woman.
The choice I see that you have....leave first before you cheat.
(Ironic thing about this rule is my husband ALWAYS completely agreed and would tell me that he WOULD NEVER....EVER!) (Maybe lieing should be a rule too, lol)

2. If I ever were to get married I would do ANYTHING it took to save my marriage. Especially if children were involved. The last hope being to do counseling. As a child of divorce I made this promise at an early age.

3. No excuse and no explanation....you hit me or my kids or do anything to my kids...I know something that can hit harder...its called my gun!

Don't worry...if I'm going to see you after work I'll make sure to shower first OR bring taco's so I don't make you hungry for them, LMAO~
Bree and J Pin It

They called me a what?!?!?!!

Yesterday I was at the gas station. I had the two little ones in the car and was on my way to pick up Bradley from school. After walking back from the cashier I overheard a group of 3 teenagers talking....

Teenage Boy1: "YEAH!!! Did you see that MILF on pump 2!"
Teenage Boy2: "F**k YEAH...I'd hit that anytime!"
Teenage Boy3: "What pump! I didn't see her"
Teenage Boy2: "Over at pump 2, tight black pants, work out stuff........"

That's when they noticed I was walking right by them and they shut up right away. At that moment I was just disgusted that these little boys would talk that way about a mom. More so, I was sick to my stomach that MY boys would someday be talking that way as well! They were BABIES once...still are!

I walked back to my pump, a mere 15 feet from them, grabbed the nozzle and realized I was at PUMP 2!!!!
OMG! OMG! OMG! Those boys...someones babies and still babies were talking about me!!!
All I could do was laugh! It took all I had to not double over in laughter!
I instantly went from OMG...how gross to...should I take that as a complement???
Baaahahahahahahaa!
It's still unnerving to have a young BOY look at you that way BUT I have been working my a** off getting into better shape that I did slightly enjoy the compliment. I won't lie. LMAO!!!

I saved the BEST for last though. They climbed back into their car and as they drove past me to leave, totally embarrassed, I put a big smile on my face and waved! Hahhahahahaaa!!!!
Have a good day BOYS!
Ya, ya I know...I'm so awful! But it was the funniest thing ever! Why not get a kick out of it!

Always looking at the positive side of things (LMAO!!!)~
Bree and J

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Mondays are for Complainers

Not sure who else to accuse???
All my friends say NO WAY....

BUT s.o.m.e.o.n.e signed me up for "Match.com"!!!

Before I start bitching. For anyone who doesn't know what Match.com is (probably all you happily married folk) it's an online dating site. You sign up, they usually offer a free trial, you build a profile with questions like what do you like to do, interests you, yadda, yadda. You add pictures if you choose, write out a synopsis of yourself and who your looking for. As well as fill out a questionnaire about who your looking for in a "match" (pun intended).
So...one afternoon I get an emailed saying "Thanks for signing up!" and then an INVOICE! Ya...didn't ya know when you signed me up that it was free for a week but then you get a BILL. NO, correction....I GET THE BILL! HA!
Not that this wouldn't be something I possibly might consider after awhile but it's been almost a month that I've been living as a "single mom" sooo that's technically a few meager weeks!! WEEKS people!!!! At first I thought it maybe was a sick joke or a alittle stab by the person who has contributed to me being a single mom. I have though ruled that person out due to some of the content added into my "profile". It was someone close to me, who knows me well and knows who I deserve to have. How do I know this. Well! They not only signed me up BUT they set up my account AND some of my profile information. YUP! Thanks much someone.
As much as maybe they thought it would "help" me or maybe they were only "thinking" of me... it did actually hurt more than helped. My life right now is an unorganized, jumbled mess. That I try to smooth out everyday for the kids sake. There's looking/applying for part time jobs...that in itself is time consuming with resumes (changing it up to cater it to each job) applying, emailing, calling, etc. Looking for a new place to live. Looking into any state help I can get. Finding a new car and money for it. Then there's the divorce paperwork, overwhelming in itself. Want a great way to feel stupid...try to fill out one of THOSE packets! I'm doing photography on the side as well which editing is time consuming as well as the shoot itself. (time to promote! Need a photographer?? Check me out on facebook "Sissy Boy Photography" Help this single momma out!! LOL) I try to do all of this while the kids are with dad, nap or are sleeping so it doesn't take time away from them. So that means it takes time away from me and my sleep. Then there is my medical issues as well and lately an appt every week, also coming along with that is more stress.  There's keeping up with play dates and activities for the kids. Keeping our routine "normal" as possible. Dealing with stress and bull from another party (you fill that one on) Making breakfasts, lunches and dinners AND cleaning up after all those (did that by myself before anyway). Chores, errands and preparing for school and after school activities for the kids. All while trying to get a few moments of peace before I simply crash at night. That to add in "dating" on a website. YOU REALLY KIDDING ME!?!?!?! YA! Let me just do that in my non existent spare time! UGH!!!
But I think the most hurtful part is does this person think I can't do it without a man. Do they think I NEED a man? Things are still very fresh and open that yes while going out with friends and even meeting new people or a nice guy might be nice and keep my mind and things at bay I'm not ready to start pursuing anyone. Nor would I want to waste anyone elses time.
I'm sure they didn't realize how it would effect me and they probably were only thinking of the positive side. But maybe just a little too soon...ya think!?!?!? I still love you secret person and I am now well over it (really bitching aside I am) so just don't tell me it was you. ;)
There is a good part that came of all of it. I went through and read the surveys and questionnaires. And I feel it really has opened my mind to what I really do want in life and in a partner. I had made compromises before in my marriage because I loved that person unconditionally. I choose to live a lifestyle along the same path as my partner and as we grew and changed I noticed I only followed. I wouldn't have changed any part of that. Though at the time I was fine with my life and you would have NEVER heard me complain. But now, being able to look back and start fresh. I know what I want and DON'T want. I know what is important to me and what I could settle on but there are definitely things I wont settle on. Someone should love me for who I am and never ask me to change or hold me back. Who is great with kids and will love mine like their own. Someone to inspire me. Supports me emotionally, physically. Someone who appreciates and respects me as much as I do them. A true partnership. (hmmmm maybe I should put this on my "dating profile" LMAO!!!!)
"Will I find that having three young children??" The jury's still out on that one. People seem to think so but for me it just seems daunting.
PLUS....how do you even date these days. I mean that alone would keep me from never going out. Who would want to date after all this?!?!?! Baahahaa!

Looking for a dating "match" check out match.com (BAAHAHAHAA)~
Bree and J

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