Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Back to my routine...I guess...

Here at Farm House Sisters you may have noticed a few comments here or there about "life lessons" or "going through alot"...we all know what that means but it can mean many different things. I apologize for being vague or not going into further detail but at the time then I wasn't comfortable sharing to EVERYONE what my life was turning out to be.

Even though there are many feelings involved,  for my children's sake I will be as respectable as possible in hopes that IF in deed someday they read this I will have no regrets as to what I'm about to share.

Monday, July 30 I had a Dr appt where I found out I will have to get a biopsy done on my uterine lining. No one knows what is really going on...things don't make sense yet to the Dr's but we're hoping to rule out some scary things. :( You think that would be enough for a woman...no :( That's not what I'll be talking about though.

A few hours later that same day I had a very heartbreaking conversation with my husband of almost 4 years. He is the father to our 3 beautiful children.
I learned what every spouse never wants to hear... he has a "friend", whom is a female, whom is more than just a co-worker. I rather not go into further detail but I'm pretty sure that explains it all. After many months things do now add up. I always heard that you look back and "know" but who really wants to believe any of it.
We have had our fair share of problems, more recently then ever in our relationship and mostly blindsiding me. We both have gone through counseling, together and separately leading up to this but we will no longer go for couples counseling. I asked him to move out, will be filing for legal separation and divorce...and that will be the end of our fairy tale.
The one thing I just don't understand....why don't people leave before they decide to do something so hurtful and distrustful to someone they once loved. Do they not understand the ripples they will make in that persons life for the rest of their life. It's not something temporary that you forget. Yes, you do move on after while but can you ever trust anyone else? When a wedding vow is made you are normally trusting your whole entire self to that other person. I just can't wrap my head around it...and probably never will.

I am a stay at home mom to 3 beautiful children...well was a stay at home mom. My oldest is almost 5, then 2 1/2 and just turned 1. My life has been made EXTREMELY DIFFICULT and I am scared as hell to see if I'll really be able to rise to it. I will for my children but the unknown is worse than the actual shock and hurt of it all. I have to buy another car, rent another place...all without a job, without credit, without a work history... I've been a stay at home mom for 4 years... I have to find a job that still gives me that blessing. For me the ripple is more like a HUGE wave that I'm not sure I can swim through. 

The good side of things... I have THE best friends in the world! Katie, Jessi, Christa, Jeana...you ladies have been the only positive to each and every day. I know all you ladies have lives but your simple text or calls really changes my day and is amazing at how perfect the timing of it can be sometimes. You may not know how much your helping me and you may never know but I do know that Karma's a BITCH and for you I owe you ALOT of positive good karma. You make me laugh when I want to cry, go running over and over and over lately with me even though you probably want to die, take my crazy kids...listen to my ramblings! You are the best sister wives I could ever have :0 LMAO! Make sure to tell your husbands that I greatly appreciate them letting you spend extra time with me...I know sometimes it's nice to have family time but you have all included me into yours or pass it up to be with me. THANK YOU!!!

I think that's all I can handle right now before I say something stupid ;) 
I know some of you think I share too much, especially on the blog but if you know me I'm not a real personal person... I probably give too much TMI at times and I feel I want to be honest with out readers and my friends and hope that anything I post that has a personal message is helpful to another and never hurtful. And in the end they are my mistakes that I feel I can live with. Thank you for understanding. :)

Love your loved ones, cherish what you DO have and not what you DON'T~
Bree and J

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