Monday, August 27, 2012

Mondays are for Complainers

Not sure who else to accuse???
All my friends say NO WAY....

BUT s.o.m.e.o.n.e signed me up for ""!!!
Before I start bitching. For anyone who doesn't know what is (probably all you happily married folk) it's an online dating site. You sign up, they usually offer a free trial, you build a profile with questions like what do you like to do, interests you, yadda, yadda. You add pictures if you choose, write out a synopsis of yourself and who your looking for. As well as fill out a questionnaire about who your looking for in a "match" (pun intended). afternoon I get an emailed saying "Thanks for signing up!" and then an INVOICE! Ya...didn't ya know when you signed me up that it was free for a week but then you get a BILL. NO, correction....I GET THE BILL! HA!
Not that this wouldn't be something I possibly might consider after awhile but it's been almost a month that I've been living as a "single mom" sooo that's technically a few meager weeks!! WEEKS people!!!! At first I thought it maybe was a sick joke or a alittle stab by the person who has contributed to me being a single mom. I have though ruled that person out due to some of the content added into my "profile". It was someone close to me, who knows me well and knows who I deserve to have. How do I know this. Well! They not only signed me up BUT they set up my account AND some of my profile information. YUP! Thanks much someone.
As much as maybe they thought it would "help" me or maybe they were only "thinking" of me... it did actually hurt more than helped. My life right now is an unorganized, jumbled mess. That I try to smooth out everyday for the kids sake. There's looking/applying for part time jobs...that in itself is time consuming with resumes (changing it up to cater it to each job) applying, emailing, calling, etc. Looking for a new place to live. Looking into any state help I can get. Finding a new car and money for it. Then there's the divorce paperwork, overwhelming in itself. Want a great way to feel stupid...try to fill out one of THOSE packets! I'm doing photography on the side as well which editing is time consuming as well as the shoot itself. (time to promote! Need a photographer?? Check me out on facebook "Sissy Boy Photography" Help this single momma out!! LOL) I try to do all of this while the kids are with dad, nap or are sleeping so it doesn't take time away from them. So that means it takes time away from me and my sleep. Then there is my medical issues as well and lately an appt every week, also coming along with that is more stress.  There's keeping up with play dates and activities for the kids. Keeping our routine "normal" as possible. Dealing with stress and bull from another party (you fill that one on) Making breakfasts, lunches and dinners AND cleaning up after all those (did that by myself before anyway). Chores, errands and preparing for school and after school activities for the kids. All while trying to get a few moments of peace before I simply crash at night. That to add in "dating" on a website. YOU REALLY KIDDING ME!?!?!?! YA! Let me just do that in my non existent spare time! UGH!!!
But I think the most hurtful part is does this person think I can't do it without a man. Do they think I NEED a man? Things are still very fresh and open that yes while going out with friends and even meeting new people or a nice guy might be nice and keep my mind and things at bay I'm not ready to start pursuing anyone. Nor would I want to waste anyone elses time.
I'm sure they didn't realize how it would effect me and they probably were only thinking of the positive side. But maybe just a little too soon...ya think!?!?!? I still love you secret person and I am now well over it (really bitching aside I am) so just don't tell me it was you. ;)
There is a good part that came of all of it. I went through and read the surveys and questionnaires. And I feel it really has opened my mind to what I really do want in life and in a partner. I had made compromises before in my marriage because I loved that person unconditionally. I choose to live a lifestyle along the same path as my partner and as we grew and changed I noticed I only followed. I wouldn't have changed any part of that. Though at the time I was fine with my life and you would have NEVER heard me complain. But now, being able to look back and start fresh. I know what I want and DON'T want. I know what is important to me and what I could settle on but there are definitely things I wont settle on. Someone should love me for who I am and never ask me to change or hold me back. Who is great with kids and will love mine like their own. Someone to inspire me. Supports me emotionally, physically. Someone who appreciates and respects me as much as I do them. A true partnership. (hmmmm maybe I should put this on my "dating profile" LMAO!!!!)
"Will I find that having three young children??" The jury's still out on that one. People seem to think so but for me it just seems daunting. do you even date these days. I mean that alone would keep me from never going out. Who would want to date after all this?!?!?! Baahahaa!

Looking for a dating "match" check out (BAAHAHAHAA)~
Bree and J

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