I found myself moving into a house I knew I was not going to make a home. Two weeks prior to the big move date my husband at the time said to me that he didn't know if I WOULD be moving in. Our lease was up at our apartment, I had 3 young children and I stay home with them. I have no money and not a lot of family. Normally the feelings that run through you on a moving day is excitement, exhaustion, frustration and visions of the home you can't wait to make yours. All I felt was fear. Should I be thankful for being "aloud" to move in? Appreciative? I wore a mask the whole day, spread a fake smile across my face and held back the tears. I know this will end, then where will we live?
Two weeks before Memorial Day 2012:
Yet again, my husband doesn't talk to us, he slept on the couch again and who knows when he left for work. I pulled up, shaking, to talk with my mom. She has no idea what's been going on...
HA...fuck I have no idea whats been going on.
The tears come before the words tumble out of my mouth. I tell her about how bad things have been, how I just brushed it off for so long, about how he just came home one day a different man, about how on Mother's Day he told me he no longer loved me and about how we have no place to live in a few weeks.
"Can we, if I need to, move in with you?"
I hate asking for help, never do it, and it killed me to ask.
Of coarse she was in shock in tears and supported me with whatever I needed to do.
Memorial Day 2013:
I find myself happy, full of life, smiling and laughing CONSTANTLY! The kids and I live in a tiny above the garage mother-in-law apartment, we have a huge yard, live out of town in a peaceful environment. Things are not easy, there are many times I feel defeated and scared. I work 7 days a week and try to run a photography business on the side. None of the hard times matter though when I look at how far we have come.
"A Single Mom's Crazy Rantings" is me and my life.(I like to talk a lot, lol) I had to step away from the blog for a bit because when you only have a few moments to spare I needed to take those moments with my kids and for myself. I still talk with a lot of mom's fighting to save their marriages, have lost their marriages in the daily life struggles and mom's that are just on their owns in hopes that one piece of my experience can help them in theirs. Though people tell me all the time I inspire them or they look up to me, it shocks me to know that my little life can help someone else's. That's the real purpose of this blog installment. And speaking of inspiring people, it was another mom that got me inspired me to pick the blog up and write more. Thank you Jamie <3
Feel free to follow the segment or any other part of our blog. I'll be writing this as a diary installment dating back sometimes as needed.
With Love and Laughs~ Bree :)