June 5th, 2013
I received this message today...
"I am shocked and in awe of you... Everytime I see you, you are smiling and cheerful.... I would have never guessed the things you have gone thru, or your challenges."
This was only part of the message I received. Along with this there have been a many other people that see me on a regular basis and ask me what my secret is to always smiling, always laughing and always being in a good mood. I didn't even realize until later that I really never...no I never have a bad day. The last bad day I had was almost a year ago.
July 30th, 2012
I stood in my best friends hall when I got a text message from my husband. He wanted to make sure we didn't have plans in a few weekends so he, alone, could go to a concert. Wait...what?!?!? And that's when everything shifted, fit into place and I knew. Instantly the phone was ringing and he picked up. The questioning started immediately. The only one that mattered was who else was going to this concert. Time after time I asked who, each time getting more desperate, each time loosing it more and more. Each time he lied. Over and over. I was with my husband for over 8 years, I now him...I knew him. I knew he would never go to a concert by himself. And I knew what was going on, I just needed to hear it.
The desperation might have finally broke him down or maybe it was the tears he could hear rolling down my face. But he finally broke and like a damn everything came spilling out. Every question I asked he answered instantly.
He was going to the concert with a friend from work. Female friend. Whom he'd also gone to the movies with. I start tallying how often he's gone to the movies by "himself", when he started going to the movies by himself. He goes on and on, answers all the rest of my questions. Then I get mad.
Katie shoes the kids outside, I am probably raising my voice now. I tell him to get what he needs and get the fuck out. I give him a time limit, "make sure your not home". The craziest thing that still boggles my mind was his desperate need to explain himself. "Calm down Bree, let me explain" I remember the power behind my voice when I replied, "DON'T tell me to calm down" I don't give a shit if she is the love of your life...look what you have done. The un-mendable damage you just caused. As a human being, as a man you leave first. That was the first and the last time I ever raised my voice to him.
I hang up the phone and sob into Katie's shoulder.
Today, June 18th, 2013
Maybe my mind is different than others. Maybe theres a part of my brain that doesn't function right or maybe I have some sort of awful tumor that makes me oblivious to the effects of the bad, negative things that life throws you. Either or anyway I am happy, truly and honestly happy ALL the time. Why? Here's how I see it...there are SO many people with SO many much more worse things, situations, than mine that in comparison my life, my complaints, my problems are nothing and worthless. How can I complain when things could always be SO much more worse.
I'll give 2 examples, 2 beautiful but heart breaking story's, both real and true.
First Story, June 2012
My sister in law went into the hospital, pregnant and sick. Hours later they were delivering her very young and very tiny beautiful preemie baby boy into a hospital not equipped to handle him. They had to call code blue on him and his little life was not so bright. They revived him and rushed him to Mary Bridge where he stayed for months and months with many more challenges to follow.
November 2012 (5 months later)
My nephew has now been home barely a month. My sister in law was admitted into the hospital. She had become very ill. No one knew what was happening.
Early January 2012
She is finally diagnosed with a terminal cancer, possibly treatable but incurable. And very rare. She is then admitted into UW Medical Center for treatment.
January 17th 2012 (weeks later)
Her husband was hit head on in a fetal accident. He survived but the other driver did not. The accident crushed his entire left leg among many other possible life threatening injuries. He was rushed to harbor view where he stayed for weeks, then to a rehab facility where he stayed for months. Both in different hospitals with a preemie baby boy and their other teenage son at home.
Second Story is more a short video to watch. I cry every time I watch it and I watch it whenever I need to be reminded of what gift my life really has been even with all my struggles. A few things before you watch it.
This is a young woman whom was forced to make a very strong and saddening choice, her mother the week before shaved her head in support. She has a daughter, a husband and has always wanted more children...but will never be able to.
These are just two stories that come to mind. There are plenty like them, some worse with not so happy or even tragic endings. So is your day now really as bad as you thought? Mine never are :)
Blissfully Happy with never a bad day~