Tuesday, June 25, 2013

A Single Mom's Crazy Rantings: Faith or Fate?


fate  (ft)
n.
1.
a. The supposed force, principle, or power that predetermines events.
b. The inevitable events predestined by this force.
2. A final result or consequence; an outcome.
3. Unfavorable destiny; doom.
 
faith  (fth)
n.
1. Confident belief in the truth, value, or trustworthiness of a person, idea, or thing.
2. Belief that does not rest on logical proof or material evidence. See Synonyms at belief or trust.
3. Loyalty to a person or thing; allegiance: keeping faith with one's supporters.
4. often Faith Christianity The theological virtue defined as secure belief in God and a trusting acceptance of God's will.
5. The body of dogma of a religion: the Muslim faith.
6. A set of principles or beliefs.
 
June 10th, 2013
Someone asked me today if Christ was in my life. Yes, Christ as in the Lord, God, Jesus...Christ. I have never been asked this question straight forward with someone expecting an honest answer. It was very refreshing to be asked a question bluntly like that as well.
I can be very blunt and honest when I talk with people. I usually keep it wound down to a minimum when I first meet someone. It's only when I am comfortable with you that I then feel comfortable with being myself. I'm not sure exactly where this comes from (my blunt, honesty) , I'm sure it has to do with so many years of not saying anything and keeping to myself. Or so many years as a different person than who I truly was. But so far everyone I know appreciates it, thinks its hilarious and doesn't have a problem with it. I'm not one of those rude blunt people but I'm the one that will make you spit out your milk with the crazy things that can come out of my mouth....sometimes at inappropriate times. Teehehehee!
I was taken off guard with this question though and answered honestly.
"I'm not sure I guess. There are things I would love to believe in but there are other things that I don't or have a hard time believing in."
Don't get me wrong...I have nothing against any religion or religious people I have just always believed in my own values.
But believing in my own values is where the catch is. The person whom asked me this question was surprised by my answer. Surprised that with everything I've gone through, the values I have, my positive outlook and the way I live my life day to day are very similar to someone who would believe in Christ. Since then I have turned this question over and over many times in my head. Do I really believe in God or a higher power?
I find myself looking back on situations. Every time I needed something it has always worked out. Anytime I needed money, needed help, a sign, a path, a choice and hoped and yearned for an answer, a solution (someone religious might say pray) it has worked out. Every time I've needed something, every time something gives and I've been "blessed".
I blindingly believe in Karma, this I think is very similar to "The Golden Rule". I completely believe and put faith into Karma. What goes around comes around. Do good and good will come to you. Do bad and well...Karma's a b**ch. But Karma is also just a thought, an ideal. It's not something I can hold, something I can physically hold accountable. God is also not someone I can physically meet, see of touch. So is there a difference??
There's also my morals, values and how I carry myself that I can now see why someone would think I was religious.
I believe in "everything happens for a reason" but couldn't that be what a Christian would say is God's pre destine path he has laid out for me??
I believe in "Karma" or Christians "Golden Rule"
My children are a true blessing to me, a miracle from Jesus is how a Christian would see it.
I live my life and unknowingly follow the seven deadly sins; PRIDE, ENVY, GLUTTONY, ANGER, SLOTH, GREED, LUST. Not because of the wrath from the lord but because it's the right thing to live by.
But is there a line in the sand separating the two ways I see it or are they really the same?
This I don't know.
This is what I can't wrap my head around.

Is there really a difference in fate and faith. I'm not so sure anymore.
The last thing that throws me with this battle is if there came a time, hopefully never, where my children were in harms way or ill. You could bet I would do anything, bow down, pray to anyone for their health and well being.
But even with that there is still a lot to consider. Is there really someone watching over us, someone who just one day "created" us...everything. So much to think of.

One thing that can be said, I've never had anyone make me think of something more beyond what I already knew or believed in. Not forced me to think that way but actually challenge the way I though. Had me mulling it over in my own mind. It takes a special kind of crazy to make ME reconsider things ;)

Always true to myself~
Bree
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Tuesday, June 18, 2013

A Single Mom's Crazy Ranting's: Never a bad day?

June 5th, 2013
I received this message today...
 
"I am shocked and in awe of you... Everytime I see you, you are smiling and cheerful.... I would have never guessed the things you have gone thru, or your challenges."
 
This was only part of the message I received. Along with this there have been a many other people that see me on a regular basis and ask me what my secret is to always smiling, always laughing and always being in a good mood. I didn't even realize until later that I really never...no I never have a bad day. The last bad day I had was almost a year ago.
 
July 30th, 2012
I stood in my best friends hall when I got a text message from my husband. He wanted to make sure we didn't have plans in a few weekends so he, alone, could go to a concert. Wait...what?!?!? And that's when everything shifted, fit into place and I knew. Instantly the phone was ringing and he picked up. The questioning started immediately. The only one that mattered was who else was going to this concert. Time after time I asked who, each time getting more desperate, each time loosing it more and more. Each time he lied. Over and over. I was with my husband for over 8 years, I now him...I knew him. I knew he would never go to a concert by himself. And I knew what was going on, I just needed to hear it.
The desperation might have finally broke him down or maybe it was the tears he could hear rolling down my face. But he finally broke and like a damn everything came spilling out. Every question I asked he answered instantly.
He was going to the concert with a friend from work. Female friend. Whom he'd also gone to the movies with. I start tallying how often he's gone to the movies by "himself", when he started going to the movies by himself. He goes on and on, answers all the rest of my questions. Then I get mad.
Katie shoes the kids outside, I am probably raising my voice now. I tell him to get what he needs and get the fuck out. I give him a time limit, "make sure your not home". The craziest thing that still boggles my mind was his desperate need to explain himself. "Calm down Bree, let me explain" I remember the power behind my voice when I replied, "DON'T tell me to calm down" I don't give a shit if she is the love of your life...look what you have done. The un-mendable damage you just caused. As a human being, as a man you leave first. That was the first and the last time I ever raised my voice to him.
I hang up the phone and sob into Katie's shoulder.
 
Today, June 18th, 2013
Maybe my mind is different than others. Maybe theres a part of my brain that doesn't function right or maybe I have some sort of awful tumor that makes me oblivious to the effects of the bad, negative things that life throws you. Either or anyway I am happy, truly and honestly happy ALL the time. Why? Here's how I see it...there are SO many people with SO many much more worse things, situations, than mine that in comparison my life, my complaints, my problems are nothing and worthless. How can I complain when things could always be SO much more worse.
I'll give 2 examples, 2 beautiful but heart breaking story's, both real and true.
 
First Story, June 2012
My sister in law went into the hospital, pregnant and sick. Hours later they were delivering her very young and very tiny beautiful preemie baby boy into a hospital not equipped to handle him. They had to call code blue on him and his little life was not so bright. They revived him and rushed him to Mary Bridge where he stayed for months and months with many more challenges to follow.
November 2012 (5 months later)
My nephew has now been home barely a month. My sister in law was admitted into the hospital. She had become very ill. No one knew what was happening.
Early January 2012
She is finally diagnosed with a terminal cancer, possibly treatable but incurable. And very rare. She is then admitted into UW Medical Center for treatment.
January 17th 2012 (weeks later)
Her husband was hit head on in a fetal accident. He survived but the other driver did not. The accident crushed his entire left leg among many other possible life threatening injuries. He was rushed to harbor view where he stayed for weeks, then to a rehab facility where he stayed for months. Both in different hospitals with a preemie baby boy and their other teenage son at home.
 
Second Story is more a short video to watch. I cry every time I watch it and I watch it whenever I need to be reminded of what gift my life really has been even with all my struggles. A few things before you watch it.
This is a young woman whom was forced to make a very strong and saddening choice, her mother the week before shaved her head in support. She has a daughter, a husband and has always wanted more children...but will never be able to.
 
These are just two stories that come to mind. There are plenty like them, some worse with not so happy or even tragic endings. So is your day now really as bad as you thought? Mine never are :)
 
Blissfully Happy with never a bad day~
Bree =D
 


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Sunday, June 9, 2013

A Single Mom's Crazy Ranting's: The 1st Function


 Attention...Attention!!!
We now have a preschool graduate and upcoming
Kindergartner in the house!!!!

June 7th was a GREAT day!!! My oldest son Bradley sat amongst his class mates and graciously accepted his preschool diploma. Though this was a wonderful day there were also a lot of nerves in the air.
I had asked their father a few weeks prior if we could sit near each other for the benefit of the kids. Of coarse this is awkward for all but I wanted the least effect possible on the kids. How confusing for them to have to go from one end of the room/area to the other. And how unfair for the one parent left childless missing out on the joys of the evening.
My request was not taken..."well" and (with no emotion) I just asked him to think it over. To my surprise or maybe it was just coincidence we arrived and my one set of grandparents were already sitting next to the ex-in laws.
The graduation ceremony was short, sweet, and windy! Caps were flying everywhere and 5 year olds were laughing hysterically :)
Being our first event as a divorced couple (not sure how to phrase that) I would say it went exceptionally. There was one awkward moment for me while standing in the food line. The kids decided to go stand with their father, whom was ahead of me, leaving me standing alone. The funniest thing was I soon realized, while standing alone, that I wasn't even going to get food but was standing their to help dish the kids up. So I left him to dish up all 3 kids (no easy feat) while I went back to socialize with my family and friends. I never would have got the help before so I thought it was very poetic. LOL.
 
Soon all of the family left and it was sweetly just my kids and I enjoying their friends and  activities after the graduation picnic. This is where I learned another life lesson...Never again participate in a pie eating contest :)...unless its GOOD pie ;)
 
The best part of the evening was having friends come up to me and comment at how amazed they were at how composed and at ease I was while dealing with the ex's. Most of them don't know the exact situation but its funny how a lot of people don't need to KNOW to guess correctly. Though I try my hardest everyday it's these moments and kind words that I cling to and cherish the most.
 
My childhood wasn't by any means perfect nor was it awful in comparison to others it still prepared me for being a great single mother. I love my mom dearly and the craziest thing is through out her defeats, loses, and broken down times is where I have learned the most. Sometimes the best example is learned the hardest way. She will never know that with all her hard times, failures and mistakes the silver lining was in the lessons I learned from watching her.
I'm trying to be better than "good enough" :)

(Don't you love my middles winter gloves in this great family pic! LOL!)
 
 
You make life what you want, no one else is writing your story~
Bree <3
 
Click here to view the last installments of "A Single Moms Crazy Ranting's!!
 

 
 
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A different type of Fathers Day Gift

My Taiwanese friend was over yesterday and she reminded me that in their culture to say thank you, repay, or show appreciation towards someone they cook or bake something for them. This gave me inspiration to do alittle different Father's Day idea. Even though we already do have our Daddy's gifts things have been crazy over here at Farmhouse Sisters that we have slacked big time and haven't prepared you well enough for Father's day...now 3 days away. So if you haven't order or purchased your gifts, low on $$$ and/or have no time to DIY a gift here is the answer for you!

What couldn't a dad (or mom....hint, hint) want more for a gift but sinfully sweet dessert!
AND they didn't have to make it.
One thing that also comes most to mind is if it were a GIFT (don't tell dad this) do they really HAVE to share?? On Mother's Day I may pull this prank! LOL!

From our Farmhouse Sisters Pinterest Board: Mother's/Father's Day
Indulge yourself....














To get directions on any or all of these delicious indulgent desserts follow this link, Mother's/Father's Day, once there find the picture of the one you want and click on it, it'll take you to the recipe. Also follow Farmhouse Sisters on your pinterest!

I'm starving now~
Bree and J


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Wednesday, June 5, 2013

LBB: 10 Random Household Tips

 

And WHY didn't I think of this stuff!?!?! LOL!
 
 Fix your broken powder make up!
 
 Make your own non slip hangers!
 
 Get rid of those carpet divots with ice!
 
 No more paint splatters and drips!
 
 Use a can opener to open those difficult sealed plastic packages!!
 
For these genius ideas and more including:
Quick scan WiFi password
Secret to spotless baseboards all the time
Towel rack to hanging storage
PLUS MANY MORE!!!
Follow this link:
 
 
So random...so fun...so genius~
Bree and J
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A Single Moms Crazy Ranting's: Selfish 101

Selfish 101

Sept 8th, 2012:
     Ran my first "Mud Run" and had a blast! Christa and I didn't get as muddy as I wanted but we still had fun! On our way home they started talking about their plans later that night and I realized that yet again I would have no kids, no plans and be alone.
     Soon they invited my pathetic ass to dinner with their family, not awkward at all right?!?!?! LOL. To make it even worse dinner ended up being for Christa's brother in law...Chris. The same Chris her husband and her wanted to hook me up with a month before. We didn't speak much during dinner but later that night he ended up canceling his plans and coming over to Christa's house to hang out.

The next 9 months:
     Were amazing. Never would I think that any man would want to be with a woman who had 3 young children and treat them as his own. He has been the sweetest, nicest, most wonderful man. He bought Bradley baseball gear just cause and practiced with us over and over to help teach him the rules of the game. Stayed up late building Braeden's birthday present with the boys. Comforted my daughter when she would get hurt or tuck her sweetly into bed. On Mother's Day the kids and him cleaned my car, garage and house as a surprise. He's been supportive of any decision I've ever needed to make and there for me for whatever I've ever needed. He is so right for me and the kids in every way. That's why making the choice to leave him was the hardest thing I've had to do so far.

June 3rd, 2013:
     I fell in love with this man, more so than anyone before. I have never felt this type of love. But I found myself needing to be alone. Somewhere along the way I lost myself again. My life can be very overwhelming, busy and stressful. I manage it very well but it has become almost too much. This past week I realized somewhere along the way I stopped learning about myself, taking time for myself and starting pouring myself into everyone else instead of focusing on me. This was a bad habit I had from my failed marriage. During that time I did things, liked things and agreed to things that my ex husband had. After we split I didn't know what I liked to do, what I liked to eat or what I did for fun. I was just an empty shell.
     I slowly started to learn things that "I" liked. Started to become comfortable with the person "I" wanted to be. All the mattered was my children and I. No distractions. I was lonely but I was starting to become happy again. Happy with myself and happy with how my story had turned out so far. For a long while after Chris and I started dating I was still able to do this but somewhere, something in me fell back into step and yet again I lost myself.
     Losing myself scares me. And I realized that to be happy in any relationship I had to be happy and aware of who I was first and foremost. So regrettably I took a step back from Chris. Of coarse being the wonderful man he is he was supportive, encouraging and understanding. He was always the first to say I needed to take time for myself but I never realized how right he was. Though with him being understanding and supportive of my decision it made my choice so much worse. Am I possibly going to loose someone so great for me? And the kids? Makes me question and doubt everything. But I am at peace with my choice, no matter how hard it has been. Being alone, with no distractions will be good, I want to find myself and get to know who I am meant to be. Sometimes being selfish is a good thing.
I do miss you already Chris :( Thank you for all our wonderful memories and times shared with the kids and I. It takes a GOOD man to take on a woman with kids but also a GOOD man to let you go so you can take the journey your meant to take.
"Everything happens for a reason"....can be so hard to believe in at times.

Xoxo Chris
~Bree Pin It
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